Hungry and on the road, I stopped at a Dairy Queen. My timing must have been good, as I walked in the door just steps ahead of a soccer team that was meeting for an end-of-the-season trophy presentation. I rushed to the waiting cashier in order to avoid waiting for 30 kids to get their Blizzard®s before I could get my burger. Therein lay my first mistake.

When the girl at the counter asked me for my order, I panicked and got it wrong. I didn't want a FlameThrower® or anything with bacon, but based on what I saw on the menu, I seemed to be in the minority. Assuming that the simplest GrillBurger™ would be the most popular and therefore early on the menu board, I ordered a combo 1. Therein lay my second mistake.

As soon as the cashier handed me my change for the combo, I knew I was in trouble. Further investigation revealed that I had ordered a double-pattied burger, more than I could eat in one sitting. Assuming that it was too late to change my order, I got a little clever and decided that I would simply order a second bun, turning my double-pattied burger into two separate burgers, one to eat and one to save for later. Therein lay my third mistake.

It would seem that no one ever asks Dairy Queen for a just a bun. The cashier was dumbstruck. She called her manager, who looked at me like I was an alien. When the startled cook heard my request -- believe it or not, I'm not making this up -- he literally dropped the over-sized tray of burgers he was carrying. Trying to make things easier for everyone, I told the manager that he didn't need to wrap the bun in another to-go box; he could just hand it to me. Therein lay my fourth mistake.

It took a while for me to convince the manager that I was not pulling some elaborate prank on him. (Who in America doesn't want a double-pattied burger? Why would anyone want a bun with no meat? Who would let the employees touch the food with their hands?) Eventually, I got my burger and my bun, and I was able to create two very tasty cheeseburgers that lasted me the rest of the day. But next time I'm hungry and thinking about stopping by Dairy Queen, I'm probably just going to order a Peanut Buster® Parfait. At least then I'll know what I'm getting into.

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